The 7 Year Itch

Mar 4, 2017

There are phrases often thrown around when it comes to marriage. For example; ‘the ball and chain’, ‘once you get married say goodbye to your sex life’, and ‘the seven-year itch’.

Wikipedia describes the Seven-Year Itch as ‘a psychological term that suggests that happiness in a relationship declines after around year seven of a marriage‘.

Several months ago, the hubby and I celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary, and it made me think about this “itchy feeling” that people get. People can reflect on the past seven years of their marriage (now I’m no expert, this is just from things I’ve read and conversations I’ve had) and wonder, what have I gotten out of this? What have I done with the past seven years of my life? I miss my old life. I want what I used to have. Which are thoughts that come from of a place of, ‘what can I get out of this’ instead of a place of ‘what can I put into this’?

One of the major things that I know that has made the past seven years so easy is the fact that between me and my husband is God. He is the foundation to everything in our lives and He is the one that brought us together. The second major thing is how we always (well I always try my hardest) do everything with the other person in mind, and how it will benefit them.

We have always known that for both of us, we are lucky enough to have the same #1 Love Language, physical touch. But last year we re-did the test, and Adam discovered that his second top love language was Acts Of Service. Neither of us knew this about him and it really changed how I “loved” him.

Now, Adam is a very tidy person – I am not. We will get home from going to the shops, a day out, or a trip, and Adam will have to put everything away and clean everything up before he can sit down and relax. I am completely opposite, I’m quite happy to head straight for the couch and worry about putting everything away later. After we worked out how strong Acts Of Service was for him, that changed my attitude. So now I try my very best to keep things tidy (when it comes to our bedroom, I’m still a work in progress…), I help unpack and put things away as soon as we get home, on a day off I try and cook a really nice meal, clean the house and do laundry, because I know when he walks through the door after a long day at work, he feels loved.

Now, do I enjoy spending my day off doing these things? Yes and no. No because I’m a retail store manager, and I spend all day every day, cleaning and tidying at work, and it is the last thing I want to do on my day off. But yes because I know I’m filling his love tank. I don’t find enjoyment in doing those things, but I find my enjoyment in knowing he will be happy.

Marriage isn’t always easy, and doing things you don’t like to do isn’t always fun. But being married, choosing to love someone each and every day, and living your life to serve someone else in a “what can I do for you?”, not a “what can I get out of this?” type of attitude is what I believe has stopped us from “getting itchy”.

I love being married, and I love who I married, and I love the people we have become over the past seven years as a couple. Our love for each other is stronger than the day we said “I do” and I find it a privilege to “serve” Adam in our marriage, because making him happy makes me happy. It isn’t always easy, but I love him and I’ll take everything that comes along with it.